Leaving a legacy

Leaving a Legacy

Last summer, a long-time friend of mine was pondering the concept of leaving a legacy. He said that since his retirement a few months earlier, he had been thinking a lot about what will be left of him when he is no longer here.

He surprised me by talking like that, since he is in good health and probably has 20 years or more on this earth. But I realized he is wise to be thinking that way. He has quality time right now to evaluate the legacy he has established so far, and to build up that legacy even further into what he really wants it to be when he passes on.

What is a legacy?

For those of you who are vague about what a legacy is, definitions vary, but I like this one: A legacy is “anything that remains from someone who has passed from this life.”

We all leave a legacy. Whether we think a lot about it or we never give it a single thought, we all leave something of ourselves in the minds, hearts, and/or pockets of those we have encountered.

I say pockets, because that is what most people think of when they hear the word legacy. They consider a legacy to be an amount of money or the personal possessions that is left to family members or others, shortly after the giver dies.

But a legacy isn’t always a financial one, and a legacy doesn’t begin at the reading of a will. In fact, you have already begun to leave a legacy, financial or otherwise. Your legacy so far most likely has to do with how you treat people, the lessons you have taught others, and the experiences you have shared with others along the way.

Legacies can be good or bad, by the way. Hitler’s legacy, established during his life and continuing long after his death, persists even today as one of hatred, bigotry, and evil. Mother Teresa, on the other hand, has left a legacy of self-sacrifice, service to the poor, and honoring God through her life’s work. Neither of these legacies was financial in nature, per se, but both legacies were strong, powerful, and have had effects on others that have lasted well beyond their own years.

3 Types of Legacy

After discussing with many retirees the idea of leaving a legacy, there emerged a pattern of basically 3 types of legacies one can leave: pecuniary, community, and inner circle. These categories have lines between them that can get a bit blurred, but they have served me well in discussions, so I thought I would put them out here.

Pecuniary legacy

A pecuniary legacy is the monetary type that is based on leaving money or property behind for loved ones, or for organizations such as schools and charities. Many people designate in their will where they want certain moneys or possessions to go upon their death. The people who receive the money or possessions are the beneficiaries.

In its most basic form, a pecuniary legacy might look like this: Aunt Sue designates in her will that she wants her nephew to receive her 1972 Mustang, and her niece to receive the balance of her savings account plus the heirloom jewelry she has stashed in her dresser in the second drawer on the right. Pretty straightforward.

But besides a basic will, there are other ways to leave a pecuniary legacy to others. The consultation of an estate attorney is recommended, as the attorney can best advise you on the nuances and tax implications of wills, trusts, probate, codicils, and bequests.

Community legacy

A community legacy, as I have decided to call it, is one that is focused on giving back to the community. While it can be in the form of a monetary donation, it often instead takes the form of a donation of time and talents. Offering one’s services to Habitat for Humanity, or teaching youngsters to read at a local elementary school, can have an effect on others that lasts decades after the person doing the service is gone.

One member of our “Saturday retirement group” has a father who is a retired dentist. About a year into his retirement, he felt an unsettled gnawing within him, and realized that living this new life based on leisure was proving to be unsatisfactory. Now in his eighties, he has found much satisfaction donating his dental skills and knowledge in an advisory capacity to a local clinic which serves low-income patients. He knows that years after he is gone, his legacy of dentally-improved patients and more knowledgeable young dentists will live on, which must be very satisfying to him, indeed.

Other possibilities for community legacy-building are donating blood, planting trees, and teaching Sunday school. The idea is to give of ourselves to the community in a way that lives on after we do not.

Inner circle legacy

Perhaps the most common and potentially most impactful type of legacy is what I call the inner circle legacy. Unless you have chosen to live your life in utter isolation, you will make a mark on those around you. The impression you leave will shape the memory people have of you, and your influence can also shape the character and integrity – or lack thereof – of those people. Make that mark wisely, for it will live on after you are gone!

The legacy of you that you leave with your family and friends is largely up to you. Some individuals leave a mark that is one of anger, bitterness, and betrayal. Others leave a mark of gentility, kindness, and wisdom. Truthfully, though, most of us leave a memory of ourselves that reflects both, some good and some bad. An example of this would be the person who is remembered for being a good provider for their family, but who didn’t take much time to spend with undivided attention to the family.

Retirement is a great time to consider the inner circle mark we have made so far, and to make changes to improve the legacy we will leave. It is never too late to soften our ways, to dole out apologies (if sincere), and to engage with others using new techniques and thought patterns.

Don’t believe establishing a new legacy is possible? Consider the fictional character of Ebenezer Scrooge created by Charles Dickens. Scrooge’s legacy had been established as one of selfishness, uncaring miserliness, and emotional abusiveness. And yet, very late in life, Scrooge wakes up to this pending legacy and decides to make some changes. He becomes generous, cheerful, and more outwardly-focused. Making corrections to his legacy brought much joy to the people around Ebenezer, and to Ebenezer himself, resulting in a win-win for all.

Changing one’s legacy is not just the stuff of fiction. An acquaintance of mine had spent his lifetime abusing alcohol, betraying his marriage vows now and then, and being generally unreliable. Still thinking he had many years ahead of him, Ted had an epiphany and decided to make some changes to live a more upstanding life. He gave up alcohol, began to treasure his wife more, and became more involved with his children as they moved into young adulthood. Ted died of a heart attack just a few years later, and yet his legacy had become one of metamorphosis, self-improvement, caring support, and gentle humor. He built a new legacy in the nick of time.

Grandchildren and Legacies

Many people consider becoming a grandparent to be a golden opportunity – a second chance, of sorts – to establish a positive legacy. Being older, wiser, and free of the daily pressures of child rearing, grand parenting is indeed a great opportunity to increase and shore up one’s legacy for future generations. There are several ways to leave a legacy that involve your grandchildren.

Legacy of money

The first way is to leave a pecuniary legacy, as discussed earlier. Fortunately, the sharing of your money does not have to wait until after you are done and gone. Even before your passing, tax laws allow for you to give certain sums of money to family members without implications. This type of legacy can go a long way in helping future generations, and it is typically a grateful youngster that receives a financial gift of some sort that allows them to go to a favorite summer camp, buy their first car, or reduce their costs in college.

Note: Do not pass on money if your grandchild has shown significant signs of irresponsibility, lack of integrity, or drug use. You do not want to finance a problem, as this would make your legacy one of enablement instead of one of loving benevolence.

Legacy of time

Another type of legacy that is very conducive to the grandparent-grandchild relationship is that of time. Time together spent talking, laughing, sharing and enjoying each other is time well-spent, and can have an impact on that child that extends for decades. Those moments together often help shape that child’s sense of self, and assist them in rising to the adult they will one day become.

Part of the job of being a kid is to figure out himself or herself and where they fit in the world. Kids, especially those between the ages of 6 and 14, often linger around the adults in their lives. The kids would deny it, no doubt, but they are known to do this in order to absorb knowledge about life, about relationships, and about what is important in this world. Time together with a grandchild chatting over a sandwich, iced tea, and cookies has the amazing potential to fill some of a developing child’s deepest needs.

The legacy of time can reap rich dividends, and because its costs are measured in minutes and not dollars, this type of legacy can be accomplished by any grandparent, regardless of financial means. The most important feature of this legacy is that it is based on carving out time with no agenda. This loose structure allows for discussions and activities to grow organically, without the pressure of accomplishing a specific task.

Legacy of experience

This legacy of experience takes the legacy of time one step further by integrating a planned, impactful experience into the time spent together.

When we experience the world, we grow in our understanding of all its beauty and everything it has to offer. We also begin to understand better our own place in this world and our potential contributions to it. To facilitate experiences with a grandchild is to open the windows of the mind and heart to the wonder and roles one has on this earth.

Visiting a museum featuring children’s art, serving the homeless at a soup kitchen, listening to a classical concert in the park, and dressing up to go eat unusual ethnic foods all make for positive, character- and esteem-building memories.

Note: Please, take cues from your grandchildren when planning experiences. If you are able to to connect over things they are interested in, you will increase the value of the experience and decrease the likelihood that they will disengage prematurely from having a relationship with their grandparents. If they do disengage, relax, don’t consider it as a failure, and wait patiently for their likely return.

Legacy of knowledge

The last type of legacy I will mention here is the legacy of knowledge. If you have any special skills or particular knowledge — and I’ll bet you do — I encourage you to share them with younger generations. This is a great way to bond with youngsters, pass on valuable knowledge, and further build a legacy that will outlive you.

Perhaps you have a skill in woodworking or baking that a grandchild has shown an interest in. Teach him (or her)! If you are a born storyteller, tell your stories and encourage the young ones to begin to tell theirs!

The learned skill you teach will do one of several things. First, it will build up the child’s self-esteem and confidence since we all find a healthy self-pride in growing a little smarter and acquiring expertise. Secondly, that skill may eventually become a satisfying hobby or source of work, supplying the older child with means to accomplish other ends. Thirdly, teaching that skill will provide the setting to talk about other notable subjects, such as values, integrity, and faith.

A word of caution I would have is to pay attention to the opportunities that come with teaching and instructing young minds. My friend Ali told me that her grandmother was an accomplished seamstress who took time to sew several beautiful dresses for her during her childhood. It was a kind and loving act, but this grandmother never took the time to teach Ali to sew, and the time they spent together in the making of the dresses was actually quite minimal.

Though Ali loved and appreciated the beautiful dresses, she had mostly wanted to spend time with her grandmother, to hear her stories, and to learn to sew so she herself could make beautiful dresses for her own daughters someday. It was a legacy opportunity lost. I encourage all to take the time to teach and instruct lovingly, instead of just doing on your own for a child.

Legacy when the grandchildren live far away

If you do not live near your grandchildren, or your grandchildren don’t currently have the time or interest to make time for you (which is a normal phase grandchildren go through), there are several other approaches you can still take to build a legacy for them:

One way to continue legacy-building during a child’s or your own absence is to utilize modern technology. Texting, tweeting, emailing, and snapchatting are just some ways to stay in touch and connected. You don’t have to be proficient in all forms, just choose the one or two methods that work for you. Good old-fashioned letter writing still works well, too, and often this approach makes your correspondence stand out from the others in a special and personal way.
Another way to continue a legacy in absentia is to find out from the child’s parents (your children) what the child’s interests are, then connect with them on that level. If they love baseball, pack a care package every few months that has news articles about their favorite team, quotes about baseball, and perhaps a new glove or ball. Feel free to include a little something that reflects you and your own interests. After all, a relationship goes both ways and the child ought to be learning a little about you, too.
Do try your hardest to be around your grandchildren at least occasionally, which is nearly essential in order to establish a personal legacy with your grandchildren. Plan an occasional trip to visit so that the kids can experience your presence, which helps to build a legacy that will carry on with them.
Whether you have grandchildren or not, adopt a “grandchild” in your neighborhood. My own grandmother was the neighborhood “Grandmom,” and encouraged the children living around her to come visit with her on her front porch. She always had time for a grandmotherly hug and a sit-down conversation to ask about the child’s day. The children were very receptive to this, and seemed to love the time together with her as much as she did!
Finally, there is a method of building a legacy that I strongly recommend for both those who have infrequent contact with grandchildren, and for those who see them every day. This method is to complete a “legacy journal,” which is a published book that contains prompts on each page and blanks for you to complete. This format allows for you to reflect upon and write down responses about past memories, current thoughts, and nuggets of wisdom. Legacy journals are available at all major book suppliers, and are a wonderful way to record what you want people to remember about you and your life. Others can later explore your handwritten pages both during your lifetime and after. In this way they can know you better, and perhaps remember you more dearly than they might if you hadn’t taken the time.

In conclusion, leaving a legacy is a beautiful thing. It allows a person to live on in the hearts, minds, and sometimes the pockets of those who are left behind to carry on. After covering many of the ways to build a strong and meaningful legacy, I encourage you to consider the type of legacy you wish to leave, then get to work on making that happen.

Questions to ask yourself as you craft the legacy you want to leave:

If I died today, how would my family and friends likely remember me? What would they say at my funeral and in the days immediately after?

What would I hope that family and friends would say about me? Does that match up with what they are most likely to say about me?

Do I need to right any wrongs before I leave this world? If so, what can I do in the next 30 days to start that happening?

What type or types of legacy am I most likely to leave: pecuniary, community, or inner circle? What am I doing to make sure this happens? Do I need to meet with a financial adviser, or to research charitable community organizations in my area? What would I like to do to connect more deeply with my growing grandchildren?

Please share any thoughts or ideas you have about leaving a legacy in the comments section on this page